Back to square one

and it happened in most tragic way. He has taken back all away, He showed his power and strength. Drenched me bad and showed me prayers have no worth. I will keep on asking whole life why he gave in first place when it was never meant for me. What was the purpose of hurting so many people so many hearts in so many ways. Okay! fine i was all faulty, mistaken and sinner, i did the sins and you made me punished to death. i well deserved the shit slap, and nothing worst can ever happen to anyone, when the thing you cherish is taken back after giving you completely. Fine i was sinner, i know my sins, i know where i was wrong..... but its cruelty to the one who was purely ruined without any mistake. Is it other way round and he was saved from the sinner and whom he doesn't deserve. Ahhh!!! if this is the case its truly justified. Means, I am the culprit, i am responsible and one who is crying bitterly.... what should i say him to calm him down... !! he is loosing the faith in you, he was the one your true lover.

Still & Stoned

Fate, time, life everything is all still from long! Its the same road that I come through from last 5 years, same desk and same work. Same worries and no ray o f hope.

Its not that i didn't try. I do, I did-- tried and tried to change everything from inside out but some spell which is just around and not letting me go out. No matter how terribly I shout and scream its not letting me go out. I want and need this spell to be broken, please break me once and never come back. Nothing is working, its life less face and injured feelings. I am ill when i am actually not. Physically perfect but I am energy less and lethargic. Is it stress and depression---? Monotony or what?  Why I am numbed.

How do I change myself and get rid of depression! I know when things will move on and fall in place I'll be happy but I am pretty sure nothing going to change to colorful and lively. I turned so pessimist. Wishes I cherished turned into ashes one by one. The smile which was best part turned so dull and dried.

disturbed...!

I am confused! I don't know where to end it and where is the new start! GOD- please drift it a bit please! I am begging you on my knees- break the scary circle and let me breathe in the air that is fresh and pure, let the fresh air go inside me deep deep down to push me up and turn me on!

Fatigue-- Mistaken & Failed!

Thankyou!

though, its bad
sometime, its worst
and at times its torturing to death


Apart!


Apart from everything ill and evil happens between us
You're the only who is for me
I should OWN you, be proud of you!


Must must say you're the perfect one
No matter life is not well, but being with you is all well
I'll treasure you forever. 


I am sorry I tore you apart, I felt you down
I being so worst and unfair
You know I am Me, the one very incomplete


You are no one but the ultimate friend and a true love. 
Life lived with you is life ever lived


Thanks a million...  :-)

Bad Birthday!

Must say, it was indeed worst year of life, Yeah 2011 you were too bad for me in many ways but never mind if it gonna ends well J. There comes many moments when things made me to say--- I wanna go where nobody knows my name, when my own was falling apart.

I admit, I had some very bad habits and finally, finally I have taken the decision to get rid of them. This birthday took away promise from me to say NO to shit things and really looking forward to have very positive change J J yes I can do it ;)

I ‘m just thinking I have wasted hell of time in finding happiness in wrong people at wrong places. How funny, people who started walking by holding my hand, who were nothing before they happened to me, I gave them love, time, smiles, pride and status and now they have turned their faces back and …. They hardly know my existence J How mean! Sometime I feel like taking them to top of the mountain and kick their ***: P but never mind again lesson learnt not to land your hand to selfish and mean world! They will use you hard and left their shit in return.

Nevertheless, it does not matter, when god makes you come across such people, when god put you under strict circumstances, HE also has so much to give you. The love I have is a countless blessing; the love I do not deserve is all around me J it is this love that I am able to make through… Thanks god, for giving few very solid reason to go on. “My family and my love”

One another year of life passed away and sadly, which was not a good oneL just desperately needed good year ahead, December, it was first time that I am not happy on my birthday and have started waiting for the next one….

hopes_______ dreams_______ faith_______!!

takin' back

Wondering...
in a situation where
something that meant for you legally, socially, emotionally but
they want every bit of it to break- break it up- tore it apart!


Wondering...
If i'll step forward i'll see the darkness on the faces that I always cherished
and whom I lived up for so long... their smiles are my life!
and
If i'll step back i'll cover up my identity with blanket of misery
from the world outside and the world inside
I'll be thrown to the world where there is no light, no air and no space
Me, myself, my existance,
My all happiness would be taken back
the pain i went through 7 years would end up in darkness again
i won't be able to say, YES my patience lived well, I am rewarded




but what do i do, stepping forward will kill me to death and pushing myself back is hell
I prayed, prayed and prayed to GOD,
i begged and begged and i know this was meant to be broken....
WHY GOD, why i was given in first place when it was not meant for me?

 I am pleeding GOD, don't take it away
it's my food, my breath to survive,
my soul to comfort my dead flash
i hv empty handed with injured dead body, bleeding all complete and through!
Just don't take it back!
It was mine and you gave it to me..... You gave it to me in front of hundred thousand ppl,
I can't back off... I can't be empty handed

There is no end to it...

Yeah, another sleepless night!

When you tried to prove every bit of me "Evil"

degraded, disrespected!
cursed & abused...


they say, you get what you well deserve


Yeah, you're right in every aspect
You did well in tearing apart my "Soul"